ABOUT ME

• crazy but not wild • Devoted • Loved • I'm addicted to my bunshin, music, writing, my bunshin, bleach, pictures, did i say my bunshin yet? • I love to dance... i move. • I'm fascinated with anime • I love rainy Monday mornings • I dream of a simple life • I love traveling • I stay home simply to spend time with my family • I recently got bitten by the computer bug • I love theater • I have deep affection for dogs • I love drawing but drawing seems to have developed a mild aversion towards me • If given a chance, I'd go to VIENNA! • I love my bunshin • I love hugging • When deeply saddened or undeniably happy, i write. • my life is an unwritten book filled with wonderful adventures

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Thursday, December 24, 2009

There are so many things i wanna tell you. So many thoughts in my head... so much pain in my heart.

But its so difficult to explain. Not that i haven't tried so many times to tell you. Not that I haven't attempted to make you understand.

I guess there is no way you would because you've already made up your mind. You've already decided and all i could do is shut up and follow.

So now, Im miserable. I cry endlessly. I yearn to get myself back. That person who was me before i met you. before i let you take over my life.

I'm slowly losing it. This belief i have in myself. This faith i have in us. I'm losing it. Are we deteriorating? YES. WE ARE.

In my life i only have a few things that i prize more than my own life. And these few things, you've taken away.

So now, I'm left with nothing. I'm empty. tired.

Its just so hard to take that i fall the least in your order of things. You say otherwise but i never felt that. your words and your actions dont match. you say you care. but you do things that break my heart. you say you understand, but you try to change my mind anyway. you say i mean something to you, but other people mean so much more. you never notice how your decisions would affect me in a very big way. the past 2 years have been a roller coaster ride for me. So much so that i feel like im no longer who i am. i'm just a robot. following orders. saying yes. struggling... trying hard to get myself back, but failing anyway. Who am i now? No one. No one important.

One day, I would just disappear. That day is the day i have given up. The day when i no longer think everything is going to work out eventually. That day when i've lost all belief in you. and us. and what we symbolize when we stood in front of the altar that one day.

One day... I dont know when its gonna be. I dont know if its gonna happen.

But one day...

So now i have nothing else to say... nothing else to tell you. I have nothing. And sadly, i know you dont care.

perhaps you never did.

So one day, I'm just gonna stop caring too....

And that one day, I will say goodbye.

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into my twisted mind...

The requiem of an insomniac... Laugh. Cry. Learn.

"Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of my time. There are too many mediocre things in live and love shouldn't be one of them." ~ Frankie, Dream for an Insomniac