"Requiem of an Insomniac"

Monday, January 29, 2007

Choices.

Two opportunities. Two paths. Two choices. Each path has a result unknown. Each decision has its consequence.

I've been thinking the entire morning. I can't stop.

I got a call informing me i can move on to option 2. All i have to do is accomplish everything within the week and things will go according to plan. Up until this point I didn't want to expect anything. Partly because I didn't want to feel let down. Partly because I'm scared of what moving on would entail.

Its a scary feeling really. Moving on to something new.

Sigh.

Where do I go from here?

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Monday, January 22, 2007

I wanna....

been thinking about going out of town for a vacation this coming April. ... of course I'm not gonna go alone... i'll be with my bunshin.
Luckiliy, he came across this site...

http://www.namiboracay.com/

I fell in love with the place. If time and money would allow, there's no other place i'd like to go to at the moment but here....

so baby, when you come home... you know where we're headed!;)

this will be our room. (heehee)

hmmm... wait.. i like this better...;)

by the deck..

gosh... i love the view!!! :)

baby... come home na!

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Every Little Thing He Does Is Magic

Though i tried before to tell him all the feelings i have for him in my heart every time that i come near him I just lose my nerve as i've done from the start Coz every little thing he does is magic everything he does just turns me on eventhough my love before is tragic now i know my love for him goes on do i have to tell the story of a thousand rainy days since we first met it's a big enough umbrella but it's always me who ends up getting wet. i resolve to call him up a thousand times a day and ask him if he'd marry me in some old fashion way but my silence fears to grip me long before i reach the phone long before my tounge has zip me must i always be alone Coz every little thing he does is magic everything he does just turns me on eventhough my love before is tragic now i know my love for him goes on do i have to tell the story of a thousand rainy days since we first met it's a big enough umbrella but it's always me who ends up getting wet. every little thing every little thigh he does every little thing he does is magic, magic, magic!

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Monday, January 15, 2007

Tagaytay 2006

The view is just as great as the company.

Dang.

Miss him.

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Friday, January 12, 2007

The Bottom Line
Separate your goals from the goals of the people you love, and put yourself first.

In Detail
From time to time, you need to separate your goals from the goals of the people you love. Your path may be diverging from the path you've been walking, and it may be time to say goodbye to someone -- at least for a little while. Right now, you should focus your energies on advancing yourself, not on creating a happy group of people. Putting yourself first doesn't mean you don't care about others, and it doesn't mean you should forget about them. Just work on your own for a while.

Is this a sign?

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

rem·i·nisce (rĕm'ə-nĭs') pronunciation

intr.v., -nisced, -nisc·ing, -nisc·es.

To recollect and tell of past experiences or events.

verb

To renew an image or thought in the mind: bethink, mind, recall, recollect, remember, retain, revive, think. Idioms: bring to mind.

Translations for: Reminisce

Dansk (Danish)
v. intr. - mindes gamle dage, genopfriske gamle minder

Nederlands (Dutch)
herinneringen ophalen

Français (French)
v. intr. - évoquer ses souvenirs (de)

Deutsch (German)
v. - sich in Erinnerungen ergehen

Ελληνική (Greek)
v. - αναπολώ, ξαναθυμάμαι

Italiano (Italian)
abbandonarsi ai propri ricordi, evocare memorie

Português (Portuguese)
v. - entregar-se a reminiscências

Русский (Russian)
предаваться воспоминаниям

Español (Spanish)
v. intr. - rememorar tiempos pasados

Svenska (Swedish)
v. - minnas, prata minnen

中文（简体） (Chinese (Simplified))
追忆, 回想

中文（繁體） (Chinese (Traditional))
v. intr. - 追憶, 回想

한국어 (Korean)
v. intr. - 추억에 잠기다, 추억을 말하다

日本語 (Japanese)
v. - 追憶する, 思い出を語る

العربيه (Arabic)
‏(فعل) يستغرق في الذكريات‏

עברית (Hebrew)
v. intr. -

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Saturday, January 06, 2007

one call away

It took one call to bring my heart thumping like mad in panic and fear. It took a voice to calm me. It took an accident to make me realize once more how blessed I am.

Yesterday brought me into a of roller coaster of emotions i didn't expect. I felt numb, I felt panic, I felt fear, I felt grateful, I felt relieved, I felt frustrated, I felt blessed... i felt more but no words could describe the kind of intensity these feeling were in.

It was close. Real close.

Everytime i think about it, I couldn't help but think how close i was to losing. someone. And it was only through divine intervention that i haven't. We haven't lost each other.

I was asked, 'what if?'

I replied, "I don't want to think of what ifs... I don't think I can bear even thinking about it."
And so I won't. I'll focus on what indeed happen and how grateful it feels to know we're still blessed.

And so I continue to pray... that i keep what I already have... even if it means not having any more...

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Thursday, January 04, 2007

Building the commitment.

I've always had difficulty keeping relationships.. i often myself questioning the situation... Why did i just suddenly lose it? Where has the spark gone? Is there something wrong with me? I had this fear that one day, id find myself old and gray bearing fond memories of the life I had lived but realizing i wasn't able to hold on to it as i should. Its a fear that never fails to give me that weak feeling. When this happens, i tell myself that perhaps i haven't met him yet... perhaps I haven't been patient enough to wait for that person HE specially prepared for me.

Now, I find myself in a relationship with someone who brings out feelings in me that i never thought possible. And I tell myself... this is what I've been waiting for all along...

In the beginning, I started questioning the situation again... will the spark stay longer this time? Will we be able to weather the different challenges that would come our way? Will it be different this time? I realize I have no answers to these questions. And this time the fear has changed. I no longer fear being old and gray and alone... but rather i fear being old and gray and alone, AND thinking about the one who got away... And so I close my eyes and pray i keep him... not just now, not just tomorrow but for as long as i can.

Today, he gave me the answer to the questions of my heart....

i don't need you to love me for me to love you back... i'm loving you because i love you...no one asked me to..nor am i doing this because i'm obliged to love you in return. i love you simply because i do. there's so many things i love about you..but the feeling of loving is something that have grown and is continuously growing to create something that even the word "love" cannot contain its meaning.

so, i will love you for as long as i can...
if you love me..
i wll keep it and protect it and take it...

laugh.cry.bruise.high.low.fear. all of these i'll feel because of that love. i'm embracing it all because of the love i have for you. i fear losing you...but i thank you for giving me this chance to love you and be loved by you...there are so many things i wanna say, things that i wanna share..but there are times that i wanna keep all thoughts inside me...all the feelings...and just look you in the eye...and without any words i know you'll feel it all..i know you'll understand...

i long to touch you ..i crave for you so much...greedy..selfish..i may be at times...cause i want to keep you to myself...only to myself...

you're like a butterfly in my palm..and most of the time...i find myself opening it up and letting you do as you wish... simply loving you freely...

i know there are so many people out there who loved, is loving, and will love you...i'm one of them...
But, I'm loving you my way...

I have a love like no other.. a love that is meant for me as mine is meant for him. I don't expect to keep the sparks flying everyday... but i do know we can keep the love alive. Not because we simply feel it... but also because we CHOOSE to keep it.

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