ABOUT ME
• crazy but not wild
• Devoted
• Loved
• I'm addicted to my bunshin, music, writing, my bunshin, bleach, pictures, did i say my bunshin yet?
• I love to dance... i move.
• I'm fascinated with anime
• I love rainy Monday mornings
• I dream of a simple life
• I love traveling
• I stay home simply to spend time with my family
• I recently got bitten by the computer bug
• I love theater
• I have deep affection for dogs
• I love drawing but drawing seems to have developed a mild aversion towards me
• If given a chance, I'd go to VIENNA!
• I love my bunshin
• I love hugging
• When deeply saddened or undeniably happy, i write.
• my life is an unwritten book filled with wonderful adventures
contact >> ♥ miaka ♥
Thursday, May 01, 2008
dy...
as you start your day... i'll be ending mine...
it's been a long day of waiting... to get a couple of minutes to talk to
you... sigh... time has always been short... time is always not
enough. time is always lacking. ive always been lacking. and it
makes me so sad...
I know its difficult for you too...so i try to be strong. its not
easy sometimes... being alone in bed...staring at the darkness...
wishing... i'll be experiencing that again tonight. but ill try to be
strong. I'll close my eyes and think of happier thoughts.
sometimes i get envious, when i hear about other couples going out
together... watching a movie... having dinner... going to the mall...
i would rather stay home these days... because i cant share those
moments with you... there was even an article that i read about where
it says now is the best time to fly... to go somewhere... because
after a couple of weeks, i would not longer have that luxury or safety
to fly... and travel for long...
but where will i go now? now that you aren't here with me? it wont
be fun... it wont be complete... again.. id only feel lacking. and so
i'd rather stay home. i'd rather just stay in my room and stare at
the darkness and continue wishing.
ive told you ive been lonely... im sorry if i am... i guess the
loneliness is manifesting itself in dreams...dreams that make me cry..
dreams that make me catch my breath and close my eyes... dreams that
seems to cause a knot in my throat because i dont want to cry...
dreams that aren't real but are nevertheless there. ill try not to be
lonely anymore.. ill try to keep myself occupied. i'll try to focus
more on the happy things... the blessings... what i can look forward
to.. and i hope i can stick to those thoughts instead.
but before i start thinking that, i just want you to know of the
things i'm wishing for in the dark.
1. i wish you were by my side.
2. i wish i could see your face when i wake up the next morning.
3. i wish i could spent a weekend with you anywhere...
4. I wish i could have dinner with you at the end of my work day...
5. i wish i could cook for you, with you, or get you to cook for me...
6. i wish i could let you feel my tummy...
7. i wish i could watch you talking to caleb...
8. i wish i could simply hear your voice
9. i wish i could watch a movie with you with your arms around me
protecting me from the cold
10. i wish i could go shopping for baby stuff with you
11. i wish we go out in the middle of the night and simply have
coffee, hot chocolate or shake
12. i wish i could spend a do nothing day with you...
13. i wish i could go to the doctor with you...
14. i wish i could see your face as we look at caleb's ultrasound
15. i wish i could hug you... and not wake up to find out its only a dream
16. i wish i didn't have to do too many things in the morning so we
could chat longer
17. i wish i could watch you sing to our caleb while you strum the guitar
18. i wish i could nag you of the things i crave for when i crave for them.
19. i wish i could ride to work with you
20. i wish i could share a bath with you..
there are so many more wishes... so many more things i want to
write... but i know whatever it is im wishing for you're wishing for
too...
so i know you know exactly how im feeling...
but even then, i want to write it down to take away the loneliness in
me... and perhaps... when i go to bed tonight..
i wont have to stare at the darkness with tears in my eyes... with my
mind full of wishes...
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