ABOUT ME
• crazy but not wild
• Devoted
• Loved
• I'm addicted to my bunshin, music, writing, my bunshin, bleach, pictures, did i say my bunshin yet?
• I love to dance... i move.
• I'm fascinated with anime
• I love rainy Monday mornings
• I dream of a simple life
• I love traveling
• I stay home simply to spend time with my family
• I recently got bitten by the computer bug
• I love theater
• I have deep affection for dogs
• I love drawing but drawing seems to have developed a mild aversion towards me
• If given a chance, I'd go to VIENNA!
• I love my bunshin
• I love hugging
• When deeply saddened or undeniably happy, i write.
• my life is an unwritten book filled with wonderful adventures
contact >> ♥ miaka ♥
Sunday, November 05, 2006
On waiting...
My day is about to end. had everything i was supposed to do done before i close my eyes to sleep... Everything. Well... not exactly everything.
I've spent most of my day waiting... I look at my phone from time to time... check the internet... wonder how his day is going...
Sometimes, i feel as if i'm always out of time. As if my day will end very soon and there is nothing i could do about it. Its depressing actually. Its monday. Work is once again just around the corner. I've thought of taking a day off a thousand times today. But i know its useless to take it now. Might as well do something rather than spend my time doing nothing at all.
I've uploaded most of the pics in my pc... looking at the pictures makes me miss him more. Sometimes, when i can no longer take it, i close my eyes and breath deep. It's a bitter sweet kind of pain... Seeing the passing of time right in front of me... I smile because i see how everything came together and how everything fell into place for us. I sigh because i miss it. Those times i'm in his arms... those times i can hear his voice... those times i can hold his hand.
I'm thinking.. perhaps sleeping will help the time pass by more quickly. I wonder if could take being this way for more months..... Sometimes i feel very positively about it. I know that time can pass by so quickly and soon, what i have been waiting for will finally come. There are other times... those other times that i dont feel as optimistic. Will I go crazy soon?
I listen to music to ease away the loneliness. It helps... music brings comfort. Yes it does. But it also brings back memories.... Thinking about it, its funny how such good memories could make me sad. I should be happy right? I guess I just feel lonely being without him. I'll get over it. And things will go back to normal. Will it?
The distance is trying and sometimes very frustrating. I've never thought of it as a problem before. Now... i dunno. I long to hear from him although i know he's having a good time. I want that for him. I want him to make the most of his stay. I think about it and i laugh at myself for being so clingy even from thousands of miles away. Hell, i dont want to be. Which is why as much as i want to talk to him right now... as much as i know i can just let him know that, i stop myself. Not because I'm mad... not because I feel bad, but more because i want him to simply enjoy and not think or worry too much about me. And I realize, as long as he's happy, I'll fine.
The sun is starting to rise.... Another day has begun. Another day will end for me. I'd like to think its another day closer... to him. And so i continue to wait....
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