ABOUT ME

• crazy but not wild • Devoted • Loved • I'm addicted to my bunshin, music, writing, my bunshin, bleach, pictures, did i say my bunshin yet? • I love to dance... i move. • I'm fascinated with anime • I love rainy Monday mornings • I dream of a simple life • I love traveling • I stay home simply to spend time with my family • I recently got bitten by the computer bug • I love theater • I have deep affection for dogs • I love drawing but drawing seems to have developed a mild aversion towards me • If given a chance, I'd go to VIENNA! • I love my bunshin • I love hugging • When deeply saddened or undeniably happy, i write. • my life is an unwritten book filled with wonderful adventures

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Monday, November 27, 2006

Fear

I had a dream last night. It was disturbing. I dreamt i lost someone very close to my heart. I was waiting for him to come home to me. I was waiting and waiting but he never came. I woke up with a heavy heart so close to crying... I felt so tired... as if i've been crying for hours.

Now, i'm suffering the aftereffects of a dream i barely remember.. The feelings it aroused though are still there... I can't help but feel paranoid. When i woke up, i didn't get any messages from him which made me worry. I sent him several messages online and on his phone but i still didnt get any reply... I got to work distracted and barely able to concentrate.

When i got his email i was able to breathe. Finally... proof that i haven't lost him. I went on with my day.. breathing easier this time.

But not for long.

I got home early. Eager to begin my day with him... begin the conversations.. share my dream... assure myself he's there... but hours went by and i didn't hear from him at all. I waited and waited.. sent him messages from time to time... praying he's okay. Praying he's alright and safe. I started thinking how i can't bear to lose him... no... please.. not him.

He sent me a message several hours later. one message. Telling me he's ok. I replied several times and got nothing... again....

I know... i know i'm getting paranoid... but my heart is heavy. And i can't help it. there's this lump on my throat that i can't seem to take away.

I'm scared. I've never been this scared to lose any one in my entire life. The fear grips me... and i can't shake it off...

I tell myself this will pass.. I close my eyes and prayed it will.

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into my twisted mind...

The requiem of an insomniac... Laugh. Cry. Learn.

"Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of my time. There are too many mediocre things in live and love shouldn't be one of them." ~ Frankie, Dream for an Insomniac